| Meat Loaf Will Do Anything For Love, But More Specifically, Cash |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|09:02 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-17/meat-loaf-will-do-anything-for-love-but-more-specifically-cash/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=39029 The economic downturn seen in this country has made many honest, hard-working Americans hit rock bottom, causing them to do things they never thought they’d do. Included in this demographic is none other than iconic American singer Meat Loaf. Poor, poor Meat Loaf. Money must be hard to come by for the ‘Loaf these days. For how else can you explain why the singer of such hits as “Bat Out of Hell” and… OK, we can’t really name a ton off the top of our heads, but regardless, we are positive the Meat Loaf of yesteryear would never stoop to the following depths.
In the following commercial, Meat Loaf, seen eating meatloaf (one word), breaks out into song over the deliciousness of A-1 Steak Sauce. Now, I ain’t gonna front, even typing the words A-1 Steak Sauce is making me salivate a little bit. And as far as the giant bottle of the stuff in the commercial goes, we would gladly take it to prom. Nevertheless, WE ARE NOT MEAT LOAF. We are just random, vinegar and red meat loving citizens.
Behold, Meat Loaf, who will do anything for love, in a world where Love = Steak Sauce:
PS: The publicist, whose e-mail subject header referred to the singer as Meat Load (which is both sexual and delicious), would like you to know that you can win some steak by singing your own song about A1 Steak Sauce and submitting it here. Or you could just get free steak the ol’ fashioned way and sleep with a Japanese businessman. Up to you. |
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| Yes, Yes, A Thousand Times Yes! |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|07:11 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-17/yes-yes-a-thousand-times-yes/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=39025 Pete Simson is many things. He’s a Hero. A Romantic. A Lover. A Flapper. “Braidz”. And now? A Fiance and soon to be Husband.
Pete proposed to his girlfriend of three years by renting out a local cinema on her 25th birthday, filling the cinema with paid audience members, and then showing the following film. Ladies, see if you can possibly resist the pasty-gammed charms of one Pete Simson, as he lip-syncs his way through Daniel Beddingfield’s “If You’re Not The One”.
We’ll admit, we were charmed. But we’re also confused: Could we live with that hair in exchange for a lifetime of sunless laughter? Check out this pretty special proposal video, and let us know how you’d feel if yo mayun (or ladyfriend) proposed to you in this same manner.
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| Forbes Highest-Paid In Hollywood List Another Chance To Mention “Dickwolf” |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|07:03 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-17/forbes-highest-paid-in-hollywood-list-another-chance-to-mention-dickwolf/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=39019 Forbes released their list of the highest-paid men in Hollywood this week, but rather than dwell on the negatives — such as George Lucas topping the list with $170 million in the year of Indiana Jones And The Extreme Averageness, or Jerry Bruckheimer earning $100 million for some weird combination of Pirates carryover / CSI Franchise / Armageddon DVD sales — I simply want to mention one tiny silver lining:
Law & Order mastermind Dick Wolf earned $70 million last year!
I’ve made the request before on BWE and I’ll take this opportunity again — we need to work the expression “Dickwolf” into modern-day insult vocabulary. Even if it only lasts a year, six months, I don’t care; we have to take advantage of this greatest of names before L&O goes off the air (so we only have until the year 5000)
Here’s an example exchange.
Friend 1: We should probably get to the concert at least an hour early.
Friend 2: Yeah, we should probably get there like an hour early cause it’s gonna get packed.
Friend 1: I just said that, Dickwolf.
Friend: Oh, hah, sorry.
See how easy it is? Let’s make this happen, people. |
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| The Amazing Race’s Phil Keoghan Will Do Whatever It Takes to Secure Emmy Votes |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|05:39 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-17/the-amazing-races-phil-keoghan-will-do-whatever-it-takes-to-secure-emmy-votes/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=39003 
Good news, ladies. This year’s Emmy Award Broadcast will be roughly 4000% improved over last year’s, for one very dimpled reason: 2009 sees the nomination of the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the Fellowship, in the form of Phil Keoghan. That’s because, for the first time in his long and oh so handsome career, Phil has scored a much deserved Emmy nomination for Best Host of The Amazing Race, the only reality program that does not require post-show guilt-ridden hot acid baths.
While Phil is an incredible host — funny, charming, commanding, etc. — he also realizes that he’s got a bit of a way with the ladies, much like Chris O’Donnell did in The Bachelor. So when it comes to milkin’ this cow for all it’s worth, Phil has got has mouth on the teet of success. Check out what he just happened to be doing when he found out about the nomination:
Talk about keeping things real.
When Phil Keoghan got the call Thursday telling him he’d been nominated for an Emmy, the host of “The Amazing Race” says he was standing in his garage in his underwear, scraping the walls in preparation for a home renovation.
Perhaps it was his way of not appearing overconfident as he waited for word on whether he’d scored a nomination for best reality show host. After all, the genial New Zealander had been passed over last year when the category was added to the Emmys.
That, despite the fact that his show, “The Amazing Race,” has won the award for best reality show every year since 2003.
“I missed out and I felt like the orphan in the production,” he recalled with a laugh.
So there you have it ladies/Emmy Voters of Any Gender: Phil was just remodeling his home wearing underwear, likely a tool belt, a sweat vest, kid gloves, a feathered cap, and nothing else. Sh*t, with a description like that, fellow nominee Ryan Seacrest will probably vote for the bastard.
So sorry, fellow crush and nominee Tom Bergeron, but it’s gonna be pretty hard to beat a man who made the following GIF possible:
More Phil Underwear Stills Here. |
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| WHEN HARRY MET LINDA: Gay Penguin Switches Teams |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|03:19 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-17/when-harry-met-linda-gay-penguin-switches-teams/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=38971  Oh dear god, no. No no no. This is a story of two male penguins, one named Harry, the other Pepper, who fell in love nearly 6 years ago while cohabitating Penguin Island (not to be confused with the Fox reality show about Gay Penguins by the same name.) The gay twosome even raised a little adopted penguin baby together, replete with a tiny penguin papoose and an overpriced albeit adorable mini-hybrid car. All was well in the world of the gay pengies.
That is, until some bitch named Linda came into the picture. When Linda’s spouse passed away, Harry couldn’t help but notice how the morning sun reflected in her single penguin tear, or how she so delicately preened her own feathers out of necessity. The man couldn’t help himself. So, he kicked Pepper to the gay curb and moved in with Linda. Her name would be Linda, wouldn’t it?
And while all is well in Harry and Linda’s little idyllic world, what with their two kids and bible approved mating habits, poor Pepper has been left all on his own, spending Friday nights polishing his favorite pinkie ring and making sure his fuxedo still fits, because you never know: A new gay penguin might be moving to the island any day now. At least, he can dream.
Please check out this news report, but have the Kleenex handy:
PS: Band name of the Day: The Bisexual Penguin. |
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| Back In the Year 2000, Michael Jackson Was Pretty Fly |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|02:30 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-17/back-in-the-year-2000-michael-jackson-was-pretty-fly/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=38951 
Way, way back in 1985, the supposed year that the Back to the Future movies took place in, a magazine called Ebony decided to find out what pop sensation Michael Jackson — whose “We Are the World” single had just been released — was going to look like 15 years later in the Year 2000. Now, in 2009, following the singer’s tragic death, Buzzfeed has dug up the article, and the result is above.
Here is middle-aged Michael in all his glory. Note the silky hair, the delicate mustache, the slight lines of years of world tours and backstage groupies which have etched their way onto Michael’s delicate face. And sure, if this photo is to be believed, the fashions of the 80s managed to stay relevant for the next 15 YEARS, but we guess it’s a bit more subtle than, say, putting him in a spacesuit.
The description reads like so:
At 40, [Michael] will have aged gracefully and will have a handsome, more mature look. In number, his fans will have grown tenfold by the year 2000.
Gracefully is one way to put it. Of course, we now know that this is not the suave, ladies man creature Michael eventually became. For reference of what the guy actually looked like in the year 2000, click here.
Also, as far as the title goes, it took every ounce of good taste in our body to not bring up this genius song. Oh… well sh*t.
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| Renee Zellweger Flaunts The Ol’ Skelly Before Packin’ on the Jelly |
[Jul. 16th, 2009|07:16 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-16/renee-zellwegger-flaunts-the-ol-skelly-before-packin-on-the-jelly/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=38906 
Yesterday, it was reported that Renee Zellwegger, the talented actress behind such classics as Cold Mountain, Chicago and 8 Seconds, will be reprising her signature role as Bridget Jones in an upcoming threequel of the hit series. And you know what that means: So long eating stamps for dinner, and hello actual meals! Renee put on about 20 pounds to play her undeniably hilarious Bridget, and managed to snag both Hugh Grant and Colin Firth’s characters in the process, two actors whose ghost babies appear in my own dreams on the semi-regular. (Sadly, Hugh’s ghost baby is a little FASsy, that ol’ so n’ so, but I love it just the same.)
But before Renee resumes to eating corncobs (just the cob) and chocolate-flavored saliva, she was spotted out on the streets of LA flaunting the ol’ skelly bones we’ve come to know and love. She’s like a lady version of D’Angelo in these pics!
And while the title of the threequel hasn’t been revealed (we’re pulling for Bridget Jones’ Pie-ary, where she opens a pie shoppe), we want to wish Renee all the best. Here’s to hoping the movie is roughly 148 percent funnier than Ken Burns’ The Edge of Reason.
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| MemcacheD Update |
[Jul. 16th, 2009|02:17 pm] |
Just wanted to let everyone know, that a new version of MemcacheD has been released. We will be rolling this out to the memcache nodes during the week of July 20th to 24th. This should have very little impact on the stability of the website; however users may see a slight increase in load times as the cache is re-populated with entries.
The software has been tested and verified to be working just fine with the application; so we perceive this to be a very minimal risk in regards to updating, and the stability of the website.
Thanks...
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| True Sex Confessions Night TONIGHT! |
[Jul. 16th, 2009|09:52 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | blaise allysen kearsley, blaise k, happy ending lounge, in the flesh, jezebel, lily burana, maria diaz, megan carpentier, melissa gira grant, mike edison, rachel kramer bussel, reading series, sex, true sex confessions | ] |
Thanks to all the great local publications who've covered this reading and to my friends/helpers (they will be passing out all the candy/chips/cupcakes/index cards to write your confessions on): Desiree, Diva, and Tess!
The always fabulous (subscribe! it's free!) New York Times UrbanEye newsletter said:
the In the Flesh series at Happy Ending features the monologist Mike Daisey, the memoirists Mike Edison (“I Have Fun Everywhere I Go”) and Nancy Balbirer (“Take Your Shirt Off and Cry;” ex-roomie of Jennifer Aniston) and others sharing their true sex confessions. As always for the wholesome part of you, there will be free cupcakes.
Time Out New York said In The Flesh is "like foreplay for the mind--no strings attached."
New York Press totally gets it:
Part of the In The Flesh reading series, tonight’s event will feature eight guests sharing some of their most intimate secrets. Well, they’re not exactly secrets, since most of the folks performing—including Take Your Shirt Off and Cry author Nancy Balbirer and monologist Mike Daisey—have either published their stories or slept with loudmouths who’ve told everyone all the juicy news already. Still, it will feel illicit to hear them talk about their naked foibles.
The Bottom Line: Give the Internet a break and check out some hot and heavy material with other people.
And New York Daily News gave us a shoutout!
Thanks as well to MurphGuide for the listing.
And if you've never been to Happy Ending Lounge (yes, it's a former massage parlor), it's a gorgeous, sexy, fun space. Also, a small space - I cannot stress enough how much I recommend arriving by 7:30. It will be crowded, but it's worth it, I promise.
Questions about In The Flesh? Email me at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com - I book generally by invitation only, though I have a few spots left for In The Flesh offshoot Quickies: Short Erotica, Friday, August 7 from 7:30-8:30. For that, send me a short writing sample of what you'd read want to read and a bio.
IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
TRUE SEX CONFESSIONS NIGHT
July 16th at 8 PM (doors at 7; we recommend arriving by 7:30 for a seat)
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says "XIE HE Health Club."
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com
In The Flesh is bringing back our most popular segment, True Sex Confessions Night! Featuring monologist Mike Daisey (21 Dog Years, If You See Something Say Something), memoirists Nancy Balbirer (Take Your Shirt Off and Cry: A Memoir of Near-Fame Experiences) and Mike Edison (I Have Fun Everywhere I Go), Melissa Gira Grant (Sexerati.com), Megan Carpentier (Jezebel.com), Blaise K (How I Learned Reading Series), Wickham Boyle (Pleasures, The Erotic Edge) and Maria Diaz (contributor, The Lust Chronicles). Hosted and curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Best Sex Writing 2009, The Mile High Club, Spanked). Free candy, cookies, chips and 100 mini cupcakes by Baked by Melissa will be served. Audience members will have the opportunity to anonymously share their true sex confessions throughout the night (via index cards that will be read aloud between readers). Free copies of the word game SexySlang will be given away.
In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the country's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne Portnoy, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, Zane and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, New York Observer, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Flavorwire, Gothamist, Jezebel.com, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth.
Nancy Balbirer's memoir, Take Your Shirt Off and Cry, was published by Bloomsbury in April. She is the author and star of the critically acclaimed solo show I Slept With Jack Kerouac and Other Stories, the co-creator of the cult reading series, Cause Celeb!, and has co-starred on Seinfeld and MTV’s Remote Control. She is a graduate of NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts and is the co-owner, designer and doyenne of the West Village boite, Pasita. She lives with remarkably few regrets in Manhattan with her husband and daughter.
takeyourshirtoffandcry.com
photo by Rob d'Entremont
Wickham Boyle, known as Wicki, wears many hats: writer, journalist, consultant and theater producer. As well as writing about sex and all things erotic, Boyle has written numerous articles on finance, parenting and travel for The New York Times, Savoy, National Geographic, Budget Travel, Real Simple, Gotham, Grace and the Downtown Express. She was one of the founders of Code Magazine, and editor-in-chief of Thrive, a magazine launched in late 2006 dedicated to the baby boom generation. Her essays can be heard on the AARP radio stations during their Prime Time show. Her erotic stories can be found in numerous collections published by Dutton, including the groundbreaking Pleasures and The Erotic Edge.
Rachel Kramer Bussel is an author, editor, blogger and reading series host. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice. She’s edited numerous anthologies, two of which (Up All Night and Glamour Girls) have been Lambda Literary Award finalists, most recently The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Best Sex Writing 2009, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, and Spanked. Her writing been published in publications such as Clean Sheets, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Fresh Yarn, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Tango, The Village Voice, and Time Out New York, and in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. She has hosted In The Flesh since October 2005.
www.rachelkramerbussel.com
photo by Hilary McHone
Megan Carpentier is a freelancer writer whose work has appeared on Jezebel.com, Wonkette, The Daily Beast, Glamour's blog Glamocracy, Foreign Policy's Madame Secretary blog, Ms., the Washington Post and Radar. Most of that was not about sex. Before she was an underemployed writer, she was an over-educated, mostly-inebriated lobbyist with a bad attitude and a foul mouth.
chaoticmegan.blogspot.com
Mike Daisey has been called “the master storyteller” and “one of the finest solo performers of his generation” by the New York Times for his groundbreaking monologues. His first film, LAYOVER, was shown at the Cannes Film Festival, and a feature film of his monologue If You See Something Say Something will be released this year. He’s been a guest on the Late Show with David Letterman, a contributor to WIRED, Slate, and Salon, a web contributor to Vanity Fair and Radar Magazine, and his work has been frequently heard on the BBC and NPR. His first book, 21 Dog Years: A Cubedweller’s Tale, was published by the Free Press and he is currently at work on a second book. He has been nominated for the Outer Critics Circle Award and two Drama League Awards, and has been the recipient of the Bay Area Critics Circle Award, three Seattle Times Footlight Awards, and a MacDowell Fellowship. He lives in New York City with his director and collaborator, Jean-Michele Gregory.
www.mikedaisey.com
Maria Diaz is a freelance pop culture and geekery writer based out of New Jersey and once in a while, New York City. She writes the blog BravoFan.com for b5media and is a contributer to British women's blog BitchBuzz. "Room 3025" from The Lust Chronicles was her first published story ever. She is currently working on a fiction zine of dark, sexy stories called Musical Beds. Her personal blog is at MariaDiaz.org.
photo by Amber Wolf
Mike Edison is the former publisher of High Times, a Hustler and Penthouse scribe, the former editor-in-chief of Screw magazine, and author of the memoir I Have Fun Everywhere I Go, plus 28 pornographic novel. In addition, he is known for his eclectic music career, and has collaborated frequently with noted wildmen Jon Spencer and GG Allin. He currently fronts his long-running gospel-blues-punk experiment the Edison Rocket Train, as well as his larger group, the Rocket Train Delta Science Arkestra. He lives and works in New York City.
www.mikeedison.com
Melissa Gira (“jee-rha”) Grant writes about sex & the internet at her award-winning blog, Sexerati. She is a contributor to Black Book and Gawker, and a columnist for $pread magazine. Her essays and reporting appear in Dirty Girls, Best Sex Writing 2008, Valleywag, RH Reality Check, and in Make: magazine & The Frisky. She lives in Brooklyn.
www.melissagira.com
Blaise Allysen Kearsley (also known as Blaise K because she is lazy) is the creator, curator and host of the How I Learned Reading Series at Happy Ending. She is also a writer, photographer and veteran blogger (who doesn't really blog anymore, actually). She has appeared at PS 122, Lolita, Bowery Poetry Club, Freddy's, Lucky 13 and Collective Unconscious. Between her writing and photography she has been featured in Nerve, Vice, Gawker, Gothamist, The Morning News, The Black Table, Jetpac magazine and Playbill, among others, as well as in the books Mortified and Cringe. She believes 2009 might be the year she finally finishes writing her novel, but she also has a lot of YouTube videos to catch up on. You can still stalk her former blog persona at www.bazima.com. (Bazima rhymes with vagina.)
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| Guess What Soulja Boy Is Hiding in His Pants? |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|06:37 pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-07-15/guess-what-soulja-boy-is-hiding-in-his-pants/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=38739 
ONTD informs us that rapper Soulja Boy has released a picture of his “peen print”, as they call it, or in laymen’s terms, the outline of his D in his shorts. Now, if you can manage to avert your gaze from the undeniably G face he is making, you’ll note that the outline in his fleece shorts is gigantic, thick, and almost 100 percent definitely not the man’s penis.
Which leads us to ask: If that giant kielbas we’re staring at isn’t, in fact, his D, as Soulja Boy would have you believe, what, exactly, is it? You can check out our guesses after the jump, and feel free to leave your own guess in the comments section.
Some Guesses:
5. A Ruby Encrusted $5 Foot Long.
4. A rolled-up Cosmo. It’s not coincidence that one of the cover stories is “50 Ways To Make Your Peen Look Myuge.”
3. One of the Jon & Kate + 8 Kids. Sorry.
2. “Mark Wahlberg’s Boogie Nights prosthetic penis stolen from Planet Hollywood” (Dan’s Idea)
1. A Tootsie Roll Bank. This is code for his actual penis.
Leave your guesses in the jump, and feel free to be creative. |
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